Friends Don’t Let Friends Line Dance


With prom so fresh in our memories and homecoming soon approaching, it’s time to address a serious problem: line dances.

Yes, line dances.

During one of these beloved songs dancers will line up in a row without partners and follow a choreographed pattern of steps to music. The most popular songs in this genre include Cotton-Eye Joe, Cha Cha Slide, and Apache (Jump On It).

I’ve been dancing my heart out and having a great time at events like snowball or prom, and then the cha cha slide pops on and it sucks the life out of me

— Chloe Makdad

Since the dawn of music, organized and synchronized dancing have been all the rage. Think back to the 60s with the Twist, the 70s with the Hustle, the 80s with the Chicken Dance, and finally the 90s brought us the Electric Slide.

These catchy songs have a positive reputation and are used by DJs all over the country to keep people on the dance floor.

However, I get a much worse (and much more cult-like) vibe from the craze.

Haven’t you ever thought that it was a little strange that when the imbedded voice of Rednex comes from the DJ’s sound system that everyone in the room knows to automatically get in sectioned lines, turn around and jump very specifically, because I have.

This may sound a little harsh but line dances are in fact a modern day form of brainwashing the general public.

Even worse than the songs that expect you to at least learn the moves is the Cha-Cha Slide, where each line of the song is simply feeding the audience it’s moves.

For example when DJ Casper will yell out, “Everybody clap your hands!” And they do.

These meaningless and mind-numbing moves completely invalidate and discourage any sense of originality.

If you don’t believe me, then take it from a valedictorian.

“I’ve been dancing my heart out and having a great time at events like snowball or prom, and then the Cha Cha Slide pops on and it sucks the life out of me,“ said Chloe Makdad, TAHS graduate and valedictorian of the class of 2018.  

Then when someone decides to not participate in the dance they are flocked with those who haven’t noticed the dangers wondering why they chose not to, and what may seem like simple light-hearted question often end with the result of those who do not conform turning into a social pariah.

Line dances are not only annoying but down right evil in nature. The next time you hear one I implore you to take a stand… Do not not drink the Kool-Aid kids and whatever you do do NOT slide to the left.