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Editorial: Why I Should be Allowed to Smoke

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I want to be able to smoke. I want everyone to be able to smoke. Hopefully, those of us who are stupid enough to smoke will die much earlier than everyone else.

I want children to be able to smoke.

“No, I’m not suggesting that we stop those smoking videos they try to spook you with in the fifth grade– keep those videos running. In fact, teach kids even more about the dangers of smoking!””

— Braydon Brower

Because here’s the thing: the thugs who start smoking early are still smoking– even though it’s illegal for them to buy tobacco products. We all know how easy it can be for someone to get their older friends to buy them cigarettes. So the law isn’t actually doing anything, is it? I propose making it legal everywhere in the US for children of any age to buy and use tobacco products.

The reason why we need to attack the child-smoker problem (figuratively, of course) is because most smokers start when they’re children anyway. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “Nearly 9 out of 10 cigarette smokers first tried smoking by age 18, and 99% first tried smoking by age 26”. That’s phenomenal! And it’s also why getting people to quit is not the issue– it’s preventing people from starting. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, as they say.

You may think I’m crazy– allowing smoking would open it up to even more children, right? Well, exactly! That’s the point! According to MedBroadcast, the top reasons that children smoke is because their peers are doing it and because they see adults doing it. Allowing children to smoke would fix both of these problems. First, after the age restriction laws are removed, it wouldn’t become an adult thing anymore. It would become a childish thing– something that anybody can do, if they’re stupid enough. Therefore, the adult allure is lost.

And do you remember that bit about “because their peers are doing it”? Well, once the amount of children that smoke for the reason that only adults are allowed to do it dwindles, so too will the amount of children that smoke because their friends do. Genius, right?

Possibly the best part is that, because the stupidest children will generally begin smoking at a younger age, they’ll die younger as well, because the effects will take longer to develop. This may look like a bad thing, but look at it this way: According to the United Nations’ predictions, the world population is going to jump from our current population of around 7 billion to 11 billion in just a century. Essentially, allowing the stupidest of our children to kill themselves could help, and the plan would not negatively affect the smarter individuals in any way.

No, I’m not suggesting that we stop those smoking videos they try to spook you with in the fifth grade– keep those videos running. In fact, teach kids even more about the dangers of smoking! However, logically, allowing children to smoke is the first step toward a country without filthy smokers.

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42 Comments

42 Responses to “Editorial: Why I Should be Allowed to Smoke”

  1. Ethan on May 17th, 2017 12:51 pm

    That’s not how it works, go rethink your logic. By the way your a very special individual.

    [Reply]

    Mason Reply:

    10/10

    [Reply]

    anonymous Reply:

    The logic may be a little flawed, but to go out and say that the author is a “special individual” is a unprofessional statement. If you have criticism, at least make it constructive.

    [Reply]

    Ethan Reply:

    If he special you got to call him special.

    [Reply]

    Stephen H Reply:

    you’re*

    [Reply]

    Ben DelBaggio Reply:

    Different opinion than me= your special

    10/10 flawless logic mate.

    [Reply]

    Aden Reply:

    Honestly, how was this comment approved!

    [Reply]

    Ethan Reply:

    Cause my comment is better then the entire article.

    [Reply]

  2. Ben DelBaggio on May 17th, 2017 1:12 pm

    “Why do we even have a law about it if people do it anyways” I can say the same about most laws banning drugs or activities.
    Also you are basically saying that if people are allowed to do it at a young age by removing restrictions, it would be good because they die early.

    [Reply]

    Ben DelBaggio Reply:

    On a side note:

    “Nearly 9 out of 10 cigarette smokers first tried smoking by age 18, and 99% first tried smoking by age 26”. so 90% first tried smoking when they were 18, and 99% of the same people ALSO first tried at age 26?! Something is incorrect.

    [Reply]

    Izaya Reply:

    if i may. the math is perfectly fine. 90% by the age of 18 and 99% by 26.

    Its simply including ages in a more broad perspective. 90% + 9% (from the ages of 19-26) =99%

    [Reply]

    Ben DelBaggio Reply:

    He should have made it more clear then.

  3. Dylan Thomas on May 17th, 2017 1:57 pm

    Saying that “allowing the stupidest of our children to kill themselves could help.” How could kids killing themselves help at all? Such an inappropriate, non-educated article, I understand that this is an “opinion” essay but this is ridiculous. I never heard of smoking young is a good thing for population reasons and that it will happen anyway. In a sense that it starts at the home and what your parents preach. If they preach smoking then shame on them for being a poor example and that is what’s wrong with the world and with parents wanting to be their children’s friends and not their parent.

    [Reply]

  4. .... on May 17th, 2017 4:58 pm

    This is….interesting.

    [Reply]

  5. Austin Quinn on May 17th, 2017 9:00 pm

    Let’s just get this straight…

    “According to the U.S. Surgeon General, over ten times as many Americans have died prematurely from cigarette smoking than have died in all the wars fought in U.S. history” and, in addition, “One third of all cancer deaths in the U.S. are related to smoking”. And let’s not forget, “Stroke and coronary heart disease, both of which may result from smoking, are the leading causes of death in the United States” (http://www.publichealth.org/public-awareness/smoking-in-america/)

    So why is this a good idea, again? Is this supposed to be some type of voluntary ethnic cleansing? We have laws about smoking for a reason. It’s not our fault people circumvent them.

    I’d also like to point out the hypocrisy of this editorial. The purpose of this was to argue that fact that, if we legalize smoking and tobacco products for anyone of any age, the problem will correct itself once everyone kills themselves. But shortly into the article, it says, “And it’s also why getting people to quit is not the issue– it’s preventing people from starting. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, as they say”.

    So is the solution to allow everyone to smoke, or it to prevent people from smoking in the first place? Pick one. You can’t have both.

    I apologize if my comment seems harsh, but I cannot fathom why anyone would think this is a good idea.

    [Reply]

  6. Aden Sgro on May 18th, 2017 8:17 am

    More fire always stops a fire.

    So let’s add more smokers to help stop smoking.

    That should work, amirite?

    [Reply]

    anonymous Reply:

    Honestly, same.

    [Reply]

    Ethan Reply:

    10/10

    [Reply]

  7. anonymous on May 18th, 2017 9:00 am

    If we are going to get our stupidest of our population to start smoking early, and they die early, how much of our population will actually be left in today’s society?

    [Reply]

  8. Kenny McKernan on May 18th, 2017 9:59 am

    Preach it!

    [Reply]

  9. Olivia Grugan on May 18th, 2017 10:14 am

    Wow. This is generating thoughtful and (!) evidence-based discussion. Could we have a “meet the author” and discuss this the old-fashioned way, in person? I’d be happy to moderate.

    [Reply]

    Aden Reply:

    That’s a really good idea!

    [Reply]

  10. Nick DelBaggio on May 18th, 2017 10:34 am

    This is one of the most logically flawed editorials I have read so far. The thought of letting the stupidest kids kill themselves so we have fewer smokers is both logically and morally wrong. People who smoke, although they might have a higher chance of dying early in life, doesn’t mean they will. Some people that smoke live long lives and die of old age. Sure they might have more health problems, but they’ll still be able to live a long life.

    Adding to the number of smokers won’t make the situation better, it like saying “If we just give everyone the disease, the people will die and we’ll end up with less infected patients than before! It’s flawless logic!”

    [Reply]

    Ben DelBaggio Reply:

    A agree with this comment, we should focus on banning tobacco, not making it more accessible!

    [Reply]

    Ethan Reply:

    Agreed!

    [Reply]

  11. Curtis on May 18th, 2017 10:53 am

    You do realize, smoking used to be legal for children. Back then it was still “cool” to smoke, and you know what happened. Nothing. Nothing at all, except now we have a lot of sick old people who can’t breath.

    [Reply]

  12. No on May 18th, 2017 12:20 pm

    No

    [Reply]

  13. Anonymous on May 18th, 2017 12:24 pm

    This article is both incorrect and morally horrific. You want kids to die? No idea what to think of this.

    [Reply]

  14. Hunter Jackson on May 18th, 2017 12:31 pm

    This editorial, though it is illogical in some manners, it is logical in others. Hypothetically speaking, in some circumstances this could work, to kill smoking by smoking. But mostly I compare this to the way in which Europeans have very limited rules against Alcohol. It is supposed to be bad for your brain development… yet Europeans have a greater intelligence than Americans! So how can this be??? Comparing this to smoking, it may not intentionally affect intelligence, but studies have shown that it does affect and or bring health problems down the road… But why is it society that decides if a person wants to kill themselves? There is enough information about smoking that most people are educated on the effects it brings. It is a person’s choice to live how they want!. So I do somewhat agree with this article, only if the person smoking is educated on what it does. And in the present American society we live in, most who smoke know the consequences… So it isn’t our choice to decide how people should live their lives, it’s their choice! I believe there shouldn’t be limitations against a person’s right to live how they wish… For most circumstances of course.

    [Reply]

  15. anon on May 18th, 2017 9:41 pm

    I’m pretty sure this is satirical, ya’ll need to calm down

    [Reply]

  16. Nick Greene on May 19th, 2017 9:02 am

    The world needs more people like you. You should run for president someday, you got my vote.

    [Reply]

  17. Frebronje on May 19th, 2017 11:44 am

    I do like the idea of this article! It is very clear cut and simple, let the stupid population kill themselves so we wont have stupid people, it is only natural selection guys come on! I say we rally behind this and solve the overpopulation! Sr. Dr. Sir King Joseph Mallry IV said in a study that over half the population is just stupid people! He is entirely right! Just look at how many people voted for Hillary last year! Good going Braydon! You actually had the power to speak your mind among all the less enlightened people around you!

    10/10 article
    My only criticism is that you should have proposed more ways for the stupid population to cease to exist

    [Reply]

    Mike Harden Reply:

    How bout it

    [Reply]

  18. Kyle Weaver on May 19th, 2017 1:02 pm

    You Know what! Im tired of this. Kids need to smoke plan and simple. it makes sense to me now. More smokers more deaths then no stupid people. im in all the way. Logic is for Weirdos you need common sense lol

    [Reply]

  19. Yes on May 19th, 2017 5:24 pm

    Yes

    [Reply]

  20. John Diller on May 22nd, 2017 2:44 pm

    I personally believe Brady here is an absolute genius. He should become our president.

    [Reply]

  21. Jamal Hicks on May 23rd, 2017 10:00 am

    This is the worst thing I’ve ever read in my life

    [Reply]

  22. Steve Everhart on May 27th, 2017 3:54 am

    Of the 37 commentators on this article in the last two weeks, at least one recognizes Brower’s tone as satirical.

    Congratulations “anon” on May 18th, 2017 9:41 pm. You win the cookie.

    Those who read Brower literally should read Jonathan Swift’s essay “A Most Proposal” in which the British satirist advocates eating the babies of the poor as a remedy for the Irish potato famine. Swift was not serious, of course–he was ridiculing the insensitivity of the powerful to the plight of the poor.

    Brower is picking up where Swift left off–ridiculing this time the human tendency to indulge in risky behavior for instant gratification or peer acceptance. Like Swift and many other humorists, he maintains a dead-pan tone so that the unwitting reader will take him literally. The perceptive reader will laugh is butt off.

    Good work, Brower. A+

    [Reply]

    Steve Everhart Reply:

    I misspelled “his”… as English Chair, no cookie for me!

    [Reply]

    adviser Reply:

    Another typo – the essay is called “A Modest Proposal” by Jonathan Swift.

    Here’s a link to that fine satirical essay: http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html

    Do I get the cookie, Mr. Everhart? 😉

    [Reply]

    Steve Everhart Reply:

    The whole batch!

  23. LYDIA THE GREAT on May 31st, 2017 2:14 pm

    GREAT WORK LOL KEEP IT UP! I FEEL AS IF THIS REALLY HIT THE JACK POT!! GOOD JOB BROWER!!!
    BB!! NEW NICK NAME!! GOOD JOB!!!!

    [Reply]

We have been getting a lot more comments recently (which is good!). Unfortunately, some of them have been kind of nasty (which is bad!). Not surprisingly, most of the nasty comments have been submitted anonymously. Therefore, if you would like us to even consider publishing your comment you must use your REAL NAME and a VALID email address. If you are a TASD student please use your school email address. Thank you and please comment responsibly!

If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a gravatar.




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Editorial: Why I Should be Allowed to Smoke