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Opinion: The Tide Pod Challenge is a Solution to Stupidity

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I don’t know about you, but I never thought brightly colored plastic and soap would become one of the most effective methods of natural selection ever to bless the planet.

Yes, folks, I am talking about Tide Pods and the “Tide Pod Challenge.”

Honestly, I’m in full support of this endeavor. No, I do not participate, nor would I consider myself dumb enough to consider such a feat; however, I see no reason why we should discourage the ignorant youth poisoning themselves.

Trust me when I say I know plenty of extremely thick-skulled twit’s who would participate.

No, I am not a harbinger of death, nor supportive of the poisoning children. Although, I feel we are discouraging a very effective method of ridding absolute stupidity from our country and our planet.

Why are we attempting to discontinue and discourage this practice? If anything, this should be strongly encouraged! I am not imposing the kind of natural selection Charles Darwin brought unto this world; I am speaking of a whole new (and improved) kind of natural selection.

If you told me these dull preteens are expected to someday be the leaders and innovators of our country, I would go and buy a few boxes of Tide Pods myself.”

— Nick Vasbinder

Also, why exactly are these obtuse individuals eating Tide Pods in the first place?

Considering the fact the amount of intentional poisonings due to Tide Pods from 2017 has nearly doubled in the first month of 2018, we can conclude our youth is just flat out brain dead.

If you think the mere fact Tide Pods can actually kill you would make these kids stop, I’m afraid your initial thoughts need a bit of cleaning.

Sure they may smell fresh and clean but they are soiled by stupidity.

In one instance, The  Huffington Post stated some of these “forbidden fruits“ were set in front of a man and he was “struggling not to eat a bowl full of them.“  Next president?

Believe me, I understand. Today, peer pressure is at an absolute high; however, I cannot be one to blame these kids for feeling like they are somehow “behind the pack” when it comes to popularity.

People want to fit in, but the fact they’ve resorted to poisoning themselves is just simply absurd. I’ve wanted to be well-known in my school and by my peers, but I’m not nearly as stupid as these kids who resort to knocking on death’s door to see if he’ll answer.

Sorry folks, no normal human being deserves to be a part of our society if they want to chomp down and kill themselves with laundry detergent.

So, I say we just let them decide their fate. Will they decide to display a quarter of an intelligence and not consume liquids meant for cleaning your khakis, or will they decide to keep on choking on suds? I say, “Keep on snacking kids! You’re doing your part in cleaning up the planet.”

 

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14 Comments

14 Responses to “Opinion: The Tide Pod Challenge is a Solution to Stupidity”

  1. Taylor Laber on April 13th, 2018 10:46 am

    honestly, while i can see why you think this, i personally think encouraging idiotic kids to eat tide-pods is a bit harsh. if anything, discouraging would be the better path, because some people just act stupid as teens. it’s not excusable, yes, but if you as most adults, they’d agree they acted like idiots as teens. hell, my mom jumped out of a moving vehicle when she was with my father, something pretty damn unsafe.
    i don’t think its impossible to say that some idiots turn into pretty smart people. i’ve seen it happen over and over with my friends, and i’m sure it can happen to just about anyone else.
    plus, tide-pod eating isn’t actually that common. it was only a couple of idiot kids just being dumb. it skyrocketed when the media covered it back in 2017, THEN making it the hot new topic.

    most people know not to eat a bunch of washing detergent anyway, but, y’know.

    [Reply]

    Taylor Laber Reply:

    …plus, imagine a parent losing a kid because someone else told them to eat a bunch of laundry detergent.
    that’d actually be pretty sad, and the parent would definitely be pissed and probably depressed.

    [Reply]

    Nick Vasbinder Reply:

    Oh I thought the discouraging factor of it all came with the fact that you shouldn’t eat soap, since yknow, you’ll poison yourself and die.

    Maybe that’s just me.

    [Reply]

    Taylor Laber Reply:

    no, i know, i don’t think i said that wasn’t the case.
    there’s just other things to consider, you know?

  2. Christian on April 13th, 2018 11:32 am

    Bro thats not right

    [Reply]

  3. kyle on April 13th, 2018 11:35 am

    looking at this picture makes me hungry 🙁

    [Reply]

    justin Reply:

    same here

    [Reply]

  4. Steven Sessamen on April 13th, 2018 11:58 am

    I agree that if people are smart enough to eat on Tide Pods then they deserve the results of their actions. I would make a cleaner pun, but I think I will Finish this comment.

    [Reply]

  5. John Fleck on April 13th, 2018 12:03 pm

    This meme is dead. stop

    [Reply]

    Nick Vasbinder Reply:

    Oh well

    [Reply]

  6. Patricia Pluebell on April 16th, 2018 11:21 am

    Tide Pods were mean to help ou put the right amount of detergent in your washer. The people who made tide pods probaly never thought that people would eat them.

    [Reply]

  7. Concerned Parent on April 29th, 2018 6:19 pm

    Unless this is intended to be a piece of satire (which, in my opinion, was not executed very well), this article is pretty disgusting.

    Sure, the kids who eat Tide Pods are ridiculous. Sure, their actions are pretty stupid and not thought out. But to wish death upon them? That’s asinine and completely deprived of any humanity.

    Mr. Vasbinder, if you were to attempt to tell me that in your life, you have never once participated in a dangerous and rather stupid action that could’ve resulted in harm, I would hesitate to believe you. And if I were to tell you because of the stupidity of your childhood action that you should be dead? You would be quick to criticize me.

    I strongly encourage the author of this article to step back and think about what he has written. This article will forever be on the internet and will forever have your name attached to it — I would’ve thought twice before posting an article on the internet that openly wishes for the death of “stupid” children, especially in an age where mental illness and childhood suicides are plenty.

    [Reply]

    Taylor Laber Reply:

    hate to break your spirits, but, this article is mostly satire, from what i know.

    though, you do have good points, i’ll admit

    [Reply]

    Nick Vasbinder Reply:

    Well, you can certainly express our concerns to the school and/or the English department of TAHS, who had described my editorial as “exemplary”, thank you very much. All I’m here to do is speak my mind and receive a good grade, think what you may; however if you are defending the individuals who willingly and knowingly consume poison, then I’m afraid that I cannot take you very seriously.

    I would also like to enlighten you the “(Required)” part next to where you enter your name is there for a reason.

    [Reply]

We have been getting a lot more comments recently (which is good!). Unfortunately, some of them have been kind of nasty (which is bad!). Not surprisingly, most of the nasty comments have been submitted anonymously. Therefore, if you would like us to even consider publishing your comment you must use your REAL NAME and a VALID email address. If you are a TASD student please use your school email address. Thank you and please comment responsibly!

If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a gravatar.




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Opinion: The Tide Pod Challenge is a Solution to Stupidity