Santa Clause: Criminal

Santa Clause commits several crimes every year, and we let him give little suprises to children annualy.

Thomas Nast

[ 'Santa's Portrait' byThomas Nast, published in Harper's Weekly, 1881]

Every year the so-called Saint Nicholas breaks numerous laws across the world and goes unpunished. The crime spree is of such high offense that Father Christmas would land himself life imprisonment, if caught, in the best-case scenario.


“The criminal act of entering a residence or other enclosed property through the slightest amount of force (even pushing open a door), without authorization. If there is intent to commit a crime, this is burglary. If there is no such intent, the breaking alone is probably at least illegal trespass, which is a misdemeanor crime. (”

Going down the chimney of one’s fireplace to theft food and give sleeping children packages would go under illegal trespass.


If the surface area of the earth is 196.9 million square miles and Santa Clause travels all around the globe at midnight to deliver the gifts, then he would be reaching speeds of 8.2 million miles an hour. The max speed permitted in a residential zone is only 25 mph, so this would result in more than a ticket from the local police.

Child / Reckless Endangerment and Kidnapping:

The sleigh that Old Man Winter rides in is depicted to lack seat belts (sources Elf, Ernest Saves Christmas and The Santa Clause), it has an open-top, and travels at 8.2 million mph it would be dangerous to have a child ride in the sleigh, but in movies like Christmas Chronicles, children often do get abducted and put into the death trap.

Animal Abuse:

“An animal is in distress, according to the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Act (PCA Act), if it is: (a) Deprived of adequate food, water, shelter, ventilation, light, space, exercise, care or veterinary treatment…(a.2) Not protected from excessive heat or cold,(”

Kris Kringle forces eight to nine reindeer to go from the north pole to everywhere else in the world restricting the deer from drinking or eating for 24 hours, and the temperature changes aren’t good for their health either, but all the good boys and girls need their gifts.


The elves at the workshop are worked all year round and have been in work for so long they have developed Stockholm Syndrome to where they have been over exhausted with joy and work ethic that, as seen in the movie Elf, they need to meet a quota or they’re cast out into the arctic weather by their fellow elves.

They don’t get paid for their work, The lowest minimum wages globally are in Latvia and Mexico at $2, but Santa never gives them a paycheck for work, so it’s slavery.

Practising of Witchcraft:

“Even today, there are laws in some parts of the world against the practice of witchcraft. In some countries, it’s even punishable by death. (”

Santa’s sleigh travels via “Christmas magic” and it demonstrates signs of spiritual energy as the more people believe in Santa the better it works, so Saint Nick uses sorcery to fly, so if he ever does get caught Mr. Clause would be arrested and sentenced to death.

Flying in a Restricted Airspace:

“Restricted or “special use” airspace is for certain areas where drones and other aircraft are not permitted to fly without special permission, or where limitations must be imposed for any number of reasons. (”

Violations of such restrictions may result in a fine, imprisonment, or execution depending on the circumstances. Santa flies over several airfields sectioned off from the public in every country to deliver gifts to children who live in the military camps, so Mr. Clause will most definitely be terminated upon his capture.

Harboring of a Fugitive:

Santa, a criminal himself, has been documented harboring the fugitive Frosty the Snowman and his family in several accounts.

In 1969 Arthur Rankin publicized the criminalistic nature of Frosty the Snowman, and in his report, several crimes can be noted including, but not limited to, theft, kidnapping, indecent exposure, illegal entry, the practice of necromancy, disorderly conduct, possession of tobacco in a school zone, ect..

At the end of Rankin’s document, it can be seen that Santa took Frosty with him to the north pole and away from his child victim. Because of Clause’s harboring of Frosty he has become an accomplice to all of Frosty’s crimes and will be charged as if he himself has committed them.

Threatening of Minors:

“You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout. I’m telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town…He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake…(Haven Gillespie)

First off he stalks the children of the world and knows what they do at all times, so if a minor commits a crime Father Christmas is now an accomplice to the act. Second, threatening minors is illegal and telling them to be happy or else is criminal.

Driving Under the Influence:

Numerous families will spike Santa’s milk for the laughs, but that may suspend his license for a year and a $5000 for every account of his DUI. He may be flying, but he is still driving a sleigh.

Also, driving sleep-deprived can just be as dangerous as driving drunk and is also charged as driving under the influence, because he is driving the sleigh while under the influence of sleep deprivation.

Flying Without a License:

Santa Clause’s birthyear is 280 A.D. He has been piloting his aircraft for 1740 years without a license. The closest town to the north pole is Longyearbyen unless he is flying 828 miles to renew his license every year he isn’t registered to fly; it can also be noted that for the longest time Santa was the only person in an aircraft, so he wouldn’t be able to get a license. With a fine of at least $250,000 per violation, Kris is looking at a fine of $435 million.

Destruction of Property:

It is known that Clause will land on a roof and slide down the chimney with a sack of goodies, but the blades on the sleigh are perched right on top of the roofing.

If Santa is 200 pounds, his sleigh weighs around 1,000 pounds, eight reindeer would weigh 2772 pounds, and with the weight of the gifts set at 100 pounds then the shingles and roofing would experience 4072 pounds. A shingle will crack if it’s been exposed to 462 pounds. With repetitive destructs to various properties, Father Christmas would be given life in jail and have to pay criminal restitution to the property owners.

Invasion of Privacy:

“Invasion of privacy is the intrusion into the personal life of another, without just cause, which can give the person whose privacy has been invaded a right to bring a lawsuit for damages against the person or entity that intruded. It encompasses workplace monitoring, Internet privacy, data collection, and other means of disseminating private information. (

Santa Clause watches children where ever they may be and bears witness to everything they say and do to judge them for their actions.

To quote Eban Schettler, “Cause Santa, Santa, Santa, has his jolly little eyes on me, he sees everything I do, with his left eye on me, and his right eye on you.”

Evading Arrest:

Lastly, since Santa has committed his first crime he has been fleeing the police and as seen in Disney’s The Santa Clause the police will not be hesitant to arrest him. The maximum fee, though, is $10,000 and because of no one dying due to his shenanigans, a two-year sentence will be granted.

Hit And Run and Man Slaughter:

“No doubt you can remember Grandma’s passing. That tragic mournful tale so often is sung. The prime suspect is one of Santa’s reindeer in the world’s most famous case of hit and run. (Dr Elmo)”

In 1979 Santa Claus killed a drunken Grandmother with his sleigh and the team of reindeer and flew away. Because it wasn’t planned to kill, Santa would only be charged with manslaughter, not murder. He fled the scene of the crime leaving the corpse in the snow.

When Old Kris Kringle stops at your house this year be aware that he is just a fugitive that left his calling cards in your home.