When the Journey Ends
Why have I been brought here so many times in the past month? I feel fine and every time I come here they do the same exact thing. My mother picks me up and puts me on the cold, hard table then the doctor comes in and checks me. Nothing ever changes.
“You can take her into room #3 and I will be with you in a minute” the doctor stated. The same sentence is said every single time. You’d think they would jazz it up and give me a different room each time but no, it’s always room #3. That room is freezing and dark all the time.
“So, how’s she been doing since that last time I saw her?”
“She’s okay. Not any better, not any worse” my mother said. “The medicine you gave me isn’t helping her at all.”
“Well, I can check her again but I don’t think that there will be any change.”
After the doctor checks me, he just says the usual to my mother but then… something different happens that has never happened before. I get put back on the floor and then the doctor starts to talk to my mother again but now he’s whispering. Almost as if he doesn’t want me to hear them.
While they talk, I try to stay as quiet as possible to hear what they are saying. The only words that I’m getting are “She’s getting worse” and “there’s nothing left” but I don’t know what they mean. As they continue to talk I feel water droplets fall onto me, so I look up and it’s my mother crying. My mother gets down on her knees and gives me a big hug and tells me that she loves me over and over again.
As we start out the door the doctor says, “Oh and one more thing… please make her last couple days with you filled with joy.”
My mother couldn’t stop herself from crying long enough to say anything so she just gave a little head nod back. I’m almost certain that I know what they are talking about now and I am not thrilled about the idea. The only option is to show my family that I deserve to stay with them but, they won’t listen to me so the only way to stay is to act as if I’m the best I’ve ever been.
When we get back to the house she goes upstairs and has my siblings go into her room but she shuts me out.
I put my ear up to the door and I hear, “I have some bad news…” She’s crying too much to even finish the sentence. “It’s about Sarah, she’s not doing great.” She takes another long pause to regain her speaking ability. “We’ve tried everything for her but nothing is working. So I talked to the doctor today and we both agreed that…” before I could hear the rest of her sentence my dad gets home and the slam of the door cuts off the end. Now all I hear is crying and footsteps coming towards the door. I run away from the door and go to my bed. I could have stayed at the door because they don’t think that I understand them when they speak.
“Hello! Hi! How was your day? Will you play with me? Hi! Hello?” I exclaim to my dad as he walks into the room.
“Shut up! God, I wish you would go play on the highway!” He exclaims as he kicks me with his metal-toed boot.
“Oh… this day isn’t filled with joy so far” I whimper.
Later on in the day after my family is all done eating their dinner my brother walks over to me and picks me up. I’m used to him picking me up but this time was different. It felt like he was hanging on to me a bit harder this time as if he never wanted to let go of me.
“I love you Sarah, I always have and I always will. What we’re doing… it’s for you, not for us. We don’t know how you’re feeling except for what the doctor tells us. If only we could understand what you’re saying.”
I look straight into his eyes and I can tell that they are getting watery. As soon as he blinks, tears run down his face like a hose. When he puts me down I stay right beside him for the rest of the night. I lay on his lap while he watches tv and follow him into the kitchen when he gets hungry.
That night we lay of the couch watching game shows and then our mother says, “It’s time for you to go to bed now.”
“I’ll be up in a minute. Okay?” My brother said softly.
“Just be quiet when you come up.”
He never goes upstairs and instead, lays down right beside me and falls asleep. In the morning everyone acts the same except for my brother. He comes into the living room and picks me then sits down. He hangs onto me for about five minutes then puts me back down. As he walks out of the room he turns around and says, “I’ll see you after school.” After everyone leaves I go back to the couch and fall asleep.
After they get back from school my brother comes into the living room and picks me up again. While still holding me, he sits down on the couch and keeps me in his arms and doesn’t let go. When his dinner is ready he gets it and brings it back into the living room to sit by me which he never does. It must be happening, there is no stopping it. I just hope that where I get sent to it’s a good place.
“It’s time for me to take her down.” My mother says.
“Okay… Give me a minute.” My brother says softly to our mother. “Hey buddy, I love you and I don’t want to do this but we have to… for you. This is the last time I’m ever going to see you but hopefully some we’ll meet again.”
Right after he says this he picks me up and gives me a big hug. Then he hands me to mother. When I get into my mother’s arms she takes me outside and into her car. Right before she shuts the house door I stare right at my brother for the last time. As we get into the car my mother sets me down and starts the car and drives away. As soon as we arrive to our destination I see that it is the doctor’s office again so now I’m starting to think that I’m not getting a new family anymore which is very relieving.
When we get inside we have a seat in the waiting area just like always. Then the doctor comes out to greet us and then says, “You can take her to room #2 and I’ll be with you in a minute.”
My mind is going crazy right now. He gave me a new room number,finally. Is there a reason to giving me a new room? What’s going to happen? There is only one way to find out and that’s to go into the room. We enter the room and it’s the same as room #3 so now I’m even more confused as to why I’m getting a new room now.
The doctor enters the room and says, “I’m sorry that it has come to this, but I just need to ask you one question. Would you like to stay in the room while I do it or would you like to leave before?”
“I’m going to go to the waiting area” my mother says.
When she gets out into the waiting area I can hear her talking to someone then she walks back into the room and says, “I guess I’ll stay in here, for her.”
“Okay, I’ll be right back with the shot.”
Right after the doctor says this I start to get worried because the last time I got a shot, I fell asleep then woke up with stitches in my stomach. Hopefully that doesn’t happen this time and right after they put the shot into me I can get down and go back home.
When the doctor walks back in with the shot I look at my mom and her eyes are filled with tears and they are streaming down her face like rivers. There is too much happening at once for me to comprehend. There is my mom crying, the doctor with a shot and…
Before I could finish that thought I was punctured with the shot and everything went black.
When I wake up I’m not in the doctor’s office. I don’t know where I’m at. Everything looks new. I’ve never been here before. “Hello, Is anyone there?” No one answers me. I’m all alone, no one to go to. My family is gone.
As I continue to look around I can see my family… below me. It’s as if I’m in the sky, above everything. As I look closer I can see my mother walking out of the doctor’s office with tears running down her face but she’s carrying a blanket with something in it. She sets it in the passenger’s seat gently and shuts the door. I’m still confused as to where I’m at and now what’s in the blanket.
As my mother drives away I follow her back to our house. When she gets home I see my dad and brother standing outside waiting for her. As soon as she parks my dad walks to the passenger door and opens it up and proceeds to pick up the blanket. With the blanket in his hands they walk behind the house to a hole dug into the ground. When they get to the hole my dad places the blanket into it then steps back. The three of them are all just standing there staring at that blanket in the hole. My mother and brother both have tears streaming down their face but not my dad, he wasn’t a crier. But why? Why are they crying and what is in that blanket?
They stand there for quite a while then they all walk back beside the house slowly except for my dad. He stays at the hole and starts to bury the blanket and its contents. After he is done covering up the blanket with dirt I see him grab a rock and place it at the top of the hole then walks away. As I look at the rock more closely I can see that it has a name on it… It’s my name.
I’m the contents of that blanket and they were crying because of me. Everything’s coming together now the crying, the “never going to see you again” and the blacking out after getting a shot. But why? Why did this have to happen.
They said it was for me, which is true. I was sick and nothing could be done for me. They tried everything but nothing worked. I was a hopeless cause at the end of the road but it was a great ride there. Now I know that I was just their pet but they were my whole life and I wouldn’t change a thing about that.